Funny Video of the Week: Mustache

You've got to feel bad about this guy's situation. But you never know -with the advancement of medical technology, maybe, just maybe, someday there will be a way to remove unwanted mustaches...

Archive: The Transcript from the first time I ever called a girl

KATE: Hello?

ERIC: Hi, is Kate there?

KATE: This is she.

ERIC: Hi, She. Is Kate there?

KATE: I’m Kate. Who’s this?

ERIC: This is Eric. Eric Kester. I was just calling to say hi…so, what’s up?

KATE: Nothing much, you?

ERIC: Not too much, you?

KATE: Nothing…

(Silence)

KATE: You there?

ERIC: Yeah, hi. So, uhhh, lately what music have you been listening to as of late?

KATE: I got the new Third Eye Blind CD the other day. It’s pretty good.

(Silence)

ERIC: I like Sex and Candy.

KATE: Excuse me?

ERIC: Sex and Candy. Love it. Woke up to it every day this week.

KATE: Oh…

ERIC: Yeah, it’s great. Like if I have a crappy day, I’ll just go up to my room for a little Sex and Candy. Totally relaxes me. My neighbor, David, loves it too.

KATE: Umm ok….

ERIC: Actually, I think Sex and Candy might be my favorite song ever. “Marcy Playground” is a great band.

KATE: Haven’t heard of it…

ERIC: So…this weekend what are your plans for the weekend? Any plans?

KATE: I think Jess and I are gonna go to the mall for some shopping.

ERIC: I’m pretty sure that Jess hates me. She’s never forgiven me for taking her V-Card.

KATE: What?!

ERIC: Yeah, I snatched it last year. I’ve never seen a girl cry so much.

KATE: That’s horrible!

ERIC: No, she totally deserved it. She spread this nasty rumor about me, so I waited until her back was turned and BAM -I went into her bag and stole the Valentine’s Card that I made her. She was real upset.

KATE: Oh I see…

(Silence)

KATE: You there?

ERIC: Yeah…sorry. I’m just at a tough part right now.

KATE: Are you playing a video game?

ERIC: Yup, “Goldeneye”. You know in the second part of the third level when you are escaping the facility on a tank? I keep failing the mission because I’m running over too many civilians. Hold on a sec…

(Silence)

(Silence)

ERIC: Okay I beat it. So anyway, I was wondering if you, like, maybe wanted to meet up for some food or even some lunch or something?

(Silence)

ERIC: Hello?

Funny Video of the Week: Wii Curling

And suddenly lonely teenage boys everywhere realize their potential to be world-class curlers.

The Schedule of an Author

A typical day as I write my book...

7:30 a.m – Wake up

7:35 a.m –Lie in bed, realize I can sleep for five more hours, contemplate doing just that.

7:45 a.m – Remember that poorly written joke on the sixth page of chapter four, realize I won’t be able to fall back asleep until I fix it. Get up.

8:00 a.m – Brush teeth, look at mirror. Consider shaving. Nah.

8:15 a.m – Before getting dressed, check calendar to make sure it’s Casual Monday, Casual Tuesday, Casual Wednesday, Casual Thursday, or Casual Friday.

8:30 a.m – Eat breakfast, drink coffee to store up energy for a long day of sitting.

8: 45 a.m – Decide to work at home today

8: 55 a.m – Listen to mom ask me to take the dogs out for “tinkle-poop.”

8: 56 a.m – Decide to go to work at town library.

9:05 a.m – Arrive at library. Wave to librarian, divert her death-stare.

9:08 a.m – Choose a seat next to a friendly-looking old man.

10:15 a.m – Move seats after noticing friendly old man is looking at pictures of girls on Facebook.

10:20 a.m – Check the hit-counter on my blog. Curse audibly.

10:21 a.m – Refresh my blog 75 times.

10:30 a.m – Work on book.

11:30 a.m – Write funny joke. Be pleased with it.

11:31 a.m – Reread funny joke. Hate it. Delete it.

11:35 a.m – Change mind, put joke back in. Question sanity.

12: 20 p.m – Lunch break. Eat by myself. Wonder if this is how it all started for creepy old man on Facebook.

1:00 p.m – Back to work! Going to be more productive this afternoon.

1:45 p.m – Goddam writer’s block

1:46 p.m – Check Facebook.

2:00 p.m – Refresh Facebook.

2:12 p.m – Refresh Facebook.

2:20 p.m – Refresh Facebook.

2:47 p.m – Refresh Facebook.

3:12 p.m – Be struck by inspiration. Get ready to write.

3:13 p.m – Forget inspiration.

3: 35 p.m – Try to write some more. Occasionally look up at other authors in the room and share expressions of mutual exasperation.

5:23 p.m – Go home.

5:45 p.m – Remember inspiration, open up laptop to write it down.

5:46 p.m – Battery dead. Screw it. I’ll probably remember it tomorrow morning.

5: 47 p.m – Turn on T.V.

Funny Video of the Week: Kid Dunk Contest

I think it's safe to say that Keith isn't typically the first one picked for the pick-up game at recess.