iJudge the new iPhone

As you may have heard by now, Apple has announced their new line of iPhones. As an owner of the “old” iPhone, I am torn whether I should buy the new version. On the one hand I am still very happy with my current phone, but on the other hand I like to try and stay on Steve Jobs’ good side. Let’s check out some of the improved features of the new iPhone 3G S:

Built in magnetic compass:

I’m sorry, are we in 1836? Honestly, who’s going to use a compass, especially when the iPhone already has Google Maps and GPS capabilities? Are people going to be driving down Route 2 saying, “Ah, if we continue due West at our current pace of 40 knots, and if the gods smile their favor upon us, perchance we shall arrive at Wendy’s before the crescent moon reaches its apex”?

Video Recording:

This is a good upgrade. Video recording would have really come in handy the other day when I saw a fat guy wearing a Spiderman shirt get his hand stuck in a vending machine. The memory will last forever, but I was still disappointed that Rounding First was deprived of a Funny Video of the Week.

Water and oil resistance:

Yawn. Call me when the iPhone is blood resistant. Only then will it be applicable to my lifestyle.

Upgraded from OpenGL ES 1.1 to OpenGL ES 2.0:

I have no idea what OpenGL ES even is, but now I’m not sure I’ll be able to sleep at night knowing that I don’t have the best version.

Voice dialing:

I wouldn’t mind having this feature. Maybe people will stop calling my crazy when I talk to my iPhone.

Longer Battery Life:

Most people will look at this as a plus, but not me. A short battery life is like a built in excuse to cut an unpleasant conversation short.

Brad: Hey man, what are you up to tomorrow?
Me: Nothing at all. Wanna get together?
Brad: Yeah, actually I’m moving out of my apartment tomorrow and would love-
Me: -Brad? Sorry dude, my battery is about to die. Stupid iPhone. Let me call you sometime next week after I charge it. (click)

Verdict: It’s a close call, but I’m going to stick with my old iPhone. The deal breaker is that the new iPhone is .08 ounces heavier than the old one. I’ve got a bad knee and I’ll have arthritis by the age of 30 if I carry around that extra weight.

Check out my original iPhone review